Explanations

How do you explain to a seven year old that telling everyone about our loss is not really appropriate at times. She is so proud to have an angel baby. She called him by name tonight at the dinner table. Not part of a sad conversation, but in just ordinary talk over dinner.

Later tonight, we happened to run into her preschool teacher at Walmart, who asked how old Rebekah was. I replied that she'll be two. "Time for another one", jokes the teacher. Meghan tries to pipe up that we already had another one. Big brother quickly tries to interceed and stop her from telling everyone our business. I know this is what he is thinking because on the way home from the bus stop recently, she asked the neighbor down the street if she was having a baby. Indeed she is and Meghan proceeded to tell her about how mama was going to have one, but he died. Poor big brother, I am sure, was mortified.

This time, we were in the parking lot and teacher didn't quite hear. I explained that John is not everyone's business. Meghan got upset and sad. This, I completely understand and feel torn about. On one hand, I want her to celebrate the fact that we had John for as long as we did and not be ashamed to share him. But on the other hand, trying to explain the situation to someone that we rarely see (once/twice a year in Walmart) puts everyone in an ackward position. I told Meghan that we didn't want to make teacher feel sad and that's why we won't tell her.

I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I'm just flying by the seat of my pants, like I've ever gone through this before. I know that those who care for us, our family and friends who are our family, already know. Anyone else... well, I just don't feel like explaining.