Every Day Life

When I first started this blog, I had three children, had no intentions of having another (at least at that moment in time), and wanted it to be a space where I would write whatever I wanted, post what pictures I wanted, and chronicle the daily happenings in our family. In fact, if you go back to the very beginning of this blog, you will find pics of our bean teepee (which the gopher turtles in our Florida yard ate) and other stuff, that not even I can remember writing about.

After that summer, things got busy with school again. It's hard enough to keep up with a family and a classroom, so I let it go. Until I lost John. In those first dark days and weeks, I came to the only place where I knew I could let it all out. I wanted to grieve. No, I needed to grieve. I held most of it back so I wouldn't scare the other kids. Here, I can come and write it all out. At one point, briefly, I had a link to it under my facebook profile. After about two weeks after losing John, I deleted the link. I needed to keep it close to me and really only wanted to share with other mommies who had lost their babies.

In one weeks time, I will be as pregnant as I was when I lost John. I sort of freaked out about this about two weeks ago. Ordered a doppler and was better until this weekend when I thought about the significance of this time frame. With John, he had most likely already passed in my body and had not quite made his exit yet. I am thrilled that I am still feeling little kicks and squirms, but know that even weeks or months from now that it's no guarantee that I will be holding another baby in my arms. None.

Yet, in my everyday life, we go on. I have other interests. I read other blogs than those of baby lost mamas. There are blogs that have a little bit of everything on them and that's just how I imagined mine would look like one day. I would love to share what I am doing to be more of a frugal mama with my new couponing skills (I saved $24 in laundry detergent today alone!!!), my budding interest in photography (especially since I got a new dslr camera this past summer), or about my other children (and how we are actually looking into homeschooling them next year). All of that stuff floating around in my head, in my life... it just hasn't made it here. Yet.