Ten Years

Today is our 10 year anniversary. I look at the three children that are here in awe. Who woulda thought?! I don't know what the next tens years will hold. I wonder if we will decide to add another, despite what we have been through.

It's one of those questions that I just can't find the answer to. Have we been through enough? Maybe our family is big enough? Then, why do I still feel like there is someone missing? How can we try again when we know now that every pregnancy isn't a sure thing? Can my heart try again when it's still broken? How could I enjoy a new pregnancy, when, in the back of my mind, I am scared that we might not make it?

I know there is no sure thing in life. I am not a patient person, though I think I would like to say that I am. I just wish I could know now what I would be looking back at ten years from now.