Panic

Last night, I completely freaked myself out. I was watching tv and could swear that I was bleeding. I was feeling a little crampy, but had just cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and thought that I had just over done it and needed a little rest. Well, rewind to April when I had cleaned the pool deck, was cramping, did start bleeding, and lost our baby within hours.

At first, I wanted to ignore what I was feeling, but then, as any other pregnant lady would, I had to go potty. Really bad. So, there really was no choice but to go to the bathroom. I swear by the time I sit down, my heart was about to jump out of my chest. But, there was nothing. No blood, no pinkish anything. Nothing.

I wish with just about my entire being that I could go back. Go back to a time where being pregnant, especially after seeing a heartbeat, meant that a healthy baby would be in my arms. Sure there'd be times of discomfort, but it would be worth it in the end. I'm saddened by the fear that a loss has put in my heart. No one deserves feeling like this. No one.