For Now...

Do you know the absolute, for sure way to get pregnant? Give away ALL of your baby stuff to Goodwill. It's a known fact. In my family at least.

And guess what I did last night and today? I cleared out every box and bag of old baby clothes that I could find. When my mom called last night, I told her about getting rid of the baby clothes. She wasn't sad or emotional at all (like I would have expected if she thought we were done having kids). You know what she said? "Oh Oh" with a sly chuckle. THAT's what I thought.

I had kept baby clothes from when Jacob was little. Clothes that made a move from Seattle to Denver to here. We've lived here seven years now and there they sat in Rebekah's closet just waiting. I thought I would be a little more emotional about getting rid of it all. This wasn't exactly the case, however. I set about it like it was just another Goodwill run, going through things quickly and keeping very select few items like Rebekah's coming home outfit.

I thought I would be in tears, for every time now that I mention another baby, my husband literally groans and comes up with some random excuse as to why not. Well then, mister I am calling it over. Three is it and all the baby stuff is G. O. N. E. (or on it's way out anyways-- he'll have to get a few boxes that I think are hiding out in the attic).

I thought I would be upset because these were things that I planned on using for all of our children. I wasn't. Maybe because the memories of the clothes were from Jacob. A healthy, strapping nine (almost ten) year old. Not one thing was for John. Not one. I still am not sure if that makes me sad or not. I just can't imagine any other little boy in the clothes than Jacob. Maybe part of that has to do with the fact that we usually didn't buy anything for the baby until we knew the gender. We were just days away from finding out that John was a boy, but I hadn't bought one single thing for him either way. I'm not sure how I feel about that either.

But what I do know, is I have a strange feeling about getting rid of the baby stuff. I like the extra room in her closet as HOME is goal #3 for me this year. I am not completely convinced that John was our last baby. I still have this nagging that someone else is supposed to be here (well, really two more somebodies, but I'm not going to push it!).

In the meantime, I am working on losing all this weight to get off my blood pressure meds. Bob can go to school and become the nurse anesthesiologist that he wants to be 'cause when he's done, well.... let's just say that everything I gave away can be replaced.

Grin.